And The Award For Most Dramatic Dog Goes To….

In case you’re thinking “It’s right after Halloween, time for adorable puppy costume pictures!”… think again. We’re sorry to disappoint, but my dog is a drama queen. I’m not being unkind; he was professionally diagnosed. Four days before Halloween Chesney had a toe related incident. We’re not entirely sure what happened… but a trip to vet emergency revealed he cracked his toenail. It also revealed that vet emergency is quite the racket for shaking down panicked pet parents for all their money. Well, a toenail’s not so bad you say? Tell that to Chesney. He decided this minor mishap was akin to his foot being shattered into a million pieces by a cinder block. To be fair, I was also convinced he was going to become a paraplegic pup requiring a tiny prosthetic foot for the rest of his days. While I would have loved him just the same, it turns out he was really quite fine. The vet decided the nail could be removed if it was loose, or bandaged and left to heal if still firmly attached. She took him to the back to assess the damage, and from the sounds that emerged from that room one would have thought his foot was being amputated with a rusty saw. After enough narcotics to send a Great Dane to rehab they tried again. Chesney was very determined to keep up his “dying dog” routine. He was successful, as the vet brought him back with a drama-queen sized band-aide and sent us away. For the next couple of days Chesney carried the dog version of Thor’s hammer with him everywhere until we felt bad for the poor little superhero and removed it. What do you know, his foot didn’t fall off and he’s back to his academy award winning self. Sadly, due to this series of unfortunate events, no Halloween costume was donned this year. However I do have a secret plan to make him festive for Christmas…shhhhh…

Chesney was a superhero for Halloween...meet Thor and his mighty hammer!
Chesney was a superhero for Halloween…meet Thor and his mighty hammer!

In case you hadn’t already guessed, I’m a bit of a Christmas fanatic. The first step is admitting it. However! I have a bone to pick with North America. Why does it look like Santa threw up all over every department store BY THE END OF SEPTEMBER?!?! I quietly plan for the holidays all year long, but I have the common decency to do it (mostly) to myself until after Remembrance Day before I go ahead and Christmas all over the place. I went to my local grocery store and couldn’t find Halloween candy because an invasion of plastic reindeer and overpriced holiday themed linens had overtaken the seasonal aisle. News flash, the season that Halloween falls in is Fall. You know; pumpkins to be disemboweled, creepy motion activated skeletons designed to increase cardiac episodes in elderly people, and wildly inappropriate versions of any and every occupation? I’m not even particularly fond of Halloween. But I’m even less fond of the corporate Christmas annexation making everyone hate the holidays before they even start. So kindly wait until after Remembrance Day to hang your holiday lights, stock the elves on your shelves, and blast festive cheer over your sound systems dear retail-land. Everyone would be much more jolly, and I could get some Reese’s Pieces without having to wade through premature tinsel.

Playdate with Gandalf, his much larger half sister.
Playdate with Gandalf, his much larger half sister.

A skill we have recently acquired is the ability to recognize a potential puppy nugget from a mile away. You quickly learn to do an item analysis before diving in for retrieval after the first time you mistake a turd for a piece of bark. Especially if you pick it up with your bare hands. My waste management partner and I have never discussed excrement so much. Our morning conversations used to revolve around who’s running late (me), who can’t find their glasses (me, ’cause they’re already on my face), and who needs caffeine more (it’s a tie). Now it’s all about who pooped (Chesney), was it outside (99% accuracy, 1% hallway), and did he try and devour any humans on his morning promenade (probably). I actually feel like it’s brought us closer together.

Guess who graduated puppy school?
Guess who graduated puppy school? 🙂

That’s all for now, dear digital readers! Thanks for reading and be sure to check back next week for the latest pupdate! 🙂

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